La rue de rêves

A beautiful young woman enters the scene. She does not interrupt other's lives here, rather enters into them. She is wearing a clean white dress with flat shoes and hair waving down her back. She meanders into a brick courtyard with ivy and fuschia growing up the walls. The sound of the burbling water from the center fountain is accompained by the quiet conversations of those enjoying an afternoon tart and cappacino. The air smells of fresh baked brioche and history; this place has stories. The moss covered bricks below her feet and invidiual balconies surrounding the courtyard give her a sense of home away from home. A place where she could be welcome. Each rod-iron balcony has brightly colored flowers floating down it and curtained French doors which seem to open into another world. She imagines herself living her life here with the sun-lit streets and heaven-like beauty.

*I am struggling with my view of God right now. It's an unending battle against human nature and sanctification. Who is God? How do I know who he is? Rather, how do I properly understand him. I never can. Can I? Does Jesus love Oprah...and the beauty of France...does he love me when I don't read my Bible...does he love me when my heart is black with sin...does he smile and laugh...does Jesus care about my heart's desires...does he see them and love me because or despite them...is God patient with my lack of response to his Holy spirit...does Jesus love me when I put things above him...HOW DO I LOVE HIM? HOW DO I KNOW THIS AND HAVE IT HIT MY HEART NOT JUST MY HEAD?!?!?!?!

*I desire to be that woman I wrote about above. To find a secret life and culture and enter into it. To be that girl in the sunlight walking through the streets taking in the beauty of the world. Does God care about this desire of mine? How do I shape my desires around his rather then demand it be the other way?!

What is up with people?! Okay, that's ritorical and actually a pretty dumb question. We don't pray. We don't read the Word of God. We complain about how far we feel from the Lord. We worry much more about whether or not we will get a date to prom rather than the 18 year old girl freezing on the street 20 miles from town. We fill our lives with tanning booths, movies that give us a false sense of reality, fabric sewn together in a stylish manner. We seek the approval of others and do a whole lot more then we would normally (if we knew someone was watching) in order to gain that approval. I suppose this is human nature right?! Well...God called us out of the darkness and into His light, so why do we remain in the darkness as if we are much more comfortable there. That's just it, it's comfortable. We are used to it and scared of what might happen if we dared (yes, took the RISK) to turn face from all of that.
I say WE because I'm in this boat right now. I see the life I'm living and I also see how it does not match up with the life I want to live for the Lord. Where do I go? What do I do? I need guidance and wisdom. Really I do...

Change is amazingly beautiful and absolutly frightening at the same time. Sureal. Breathtaking. Life begins. Life ends. God remains. OH MY WORD.

Family Dynamics

There is a fine line between family and friends. Sure, there are your blood-related family, if anyone asked you would say, "Hey, this is my cousin" or "Oh yeah, that's my brother!". But what happens when your friends are closer to you than your actual family. Does that make them your family and you can simply disregard your blood relatives, of-course not. I would call Patty, Steven, Margo, Kati Jo, Sean, Makenzie, Aaron, Joe, Rachael, Ryan, Emily, Evan, Annie, Lisey, Emma, Makenzie, ETC. my family. But I'd also call Beth, Barbara, Judy, Bill, Logan, Ramona, Norma, Dale, Evlynn, Derek, Monica, Dennis, Richard, Robert, Eladio, ETC. my family. It's pretty crazy this whole body of Christ v.s blood family deleo. I LOVE my friends, and I LOVE my family. Wow. I'm real blessed.
I was thinking about how what if all my friends were blood related. Yeah, if we went on family vacations and stuff (that would have to be BIG van!!) together. Sean would be the struggling musician who always came home on weekends to borrow a little extra cash to buy guitar strings; Makenzie would be the globe-trotting chick that we always looked forward to hearing from via paper and pen whenever she took a second to jot down her latest adventure oversees; Steven would be the mature one always speaking truth into our lives and making sure we knew how to rough and tumble with the best of em'; Annie, Kati Jo and Lisey would always be there to make sure we never took ourselves to seriously and remembered who was in charge of our lives; Patty would be the one you could always count on for a good ab workout (laughter) and a listening ear, but she'd make sure you didn't whine for long and that you saw the situation for what it was. ETC.

Life is good. God is good. He's faithful when I'm not and I have people to remind me of that daily. I'm blessed to have a HUGE family of people who's love and wisdom has shaped much of who I am today.