La rue de rêves

A beautiful young woman enters the scene. She does not interrupt other's lives here, rather enters into them. She is wearing a clean white dress with flat shoes and hair waving down her back. She meanders into a brick courtyard with ivy and fuschia growing up the walls. The sound of the burbling water from the center fountain is accompained by the quiet conversations of those enjoying an afternoon tart and cappacino. The air smells of fresh baked brioche and history; this place has stories. The moss covered bricks below her feet and invidiual balconies surrounding the courtyard give her a sense of home away from home. A place where she could be welcome. Each rod-iron balcony has brightly colored flowers floating down it and curtained French doors which seem to open into another world. She imagines herself living her life here with the sun-lit streets and heaven-like beauty.

*I am struggling with my view of God right now. It's an unending battle against human nature and sanctification. Who is God? How do I know who he is? Rather, how do I properly understand him. I never can. Can I? Does Jesus love Oprah...and the beauty of France...does he love me when I don't read my Bible...does he love me when my heart is black with sin...does he smile and laugh...does Jesus care about my heart's desires...does he see them and love me because or despite them...is God patient with my lack of response to his Holy spirit...does Jesus love me when I put things above him...HOW DO I LOVE HIM? HOW DO I KNOW THIS AND HAVE IT HIT MY HEART NOT JUST MY HEAD?!?!?!?!

*I desire to be that woman I wrote about above. To find a secret life and culture and enter into it. To be that girl in the sunlight walking through the streets taking in the beauty of the world. Does God care about this desire of mine? How do I shape my desires around his rather then demand it be the other way?!