Long good-byes

I've got some pet-peeves. Some things that I suppose are universal but maybe they just bother me more then some. Two major ones hit me today and just upset me so much. But then again, it's nothing to get too worked up about and nothing that I good chat with the Lord can't settle. But, here they are:
*People who don't listen to what you say
*Quick and cold good-byes or no good-bye at all

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm a "closer" person. I can't stand not being able to have a proper good-bye with people. It makes me so sad. I don't know why other then to just say it's a "pet peeve" of mine. Also, I just cannot easily handle people who don't listen to what I have to say. I am NOT a woman of few words and I feel so loved by people when people actually listen to what I say and not blow it off or seem uninterested. I'm so fortunate to have people in my life to counteract the others in my life that are this way around me because I do have people who just flat out don't care about what I have to say...or if they do they have a strange way of showing me that.

Right now, I'm hurting over something I no longer have. I'm striving to NOT live in the past regarding this situation but it's hard because I feel like I've lost a part of who I was. There is a line in a really awesome Sara Groves song that always speaks truth into my life, it says: "The place I was can't hold the things I've learned". I can't live in the past. If I try and grasp a hold of something I fear is dying (relationaly speaking)all I'm going to do is cease to live. There is this song, also by Sara Groves, that I've been listening to often lately to remind myself of the truth that I've struggled to graspy over the past few months. It's called, "This Journey is My Own"...you may be able to guess what it's about. It's about trying to live your life for others and how all you gain nothing in that in fact you end up losing your life in the process.

See, I have this friendship and it's had a powerful effect on my life over the past two or three years. It's been a rocky relationship for sure but I've allowed it to form alot of my identity as a person and I've known all along that's not okay. Well, right now it's dwindeled (sp?) down to barely anything and my heart is breaking over what is no longer there. I miss what I used to have and the memories now sting me when they used to bring me joy.

I havn't made it to retrospect because the friendship hasn't died, it's just not what it used to be...and trust me, that's a good thing. This relationship was an idol and it was one that was very, very hard to put below the Lord in my life.

Here are the lyrics to "This Journey Is My Own" by Sara Groves...I'm clinging to the truth of this song right now:

When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone
This journey is my own
Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval
This journey is my own

Why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
What does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

So much of what I do is to make a good impressionThis journey is my own
And so much of what I say is to make myself look better
But this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

And I have never felt relief like I feel it right now
This journey is my own
Cuz trying to please the world, it was breaking me down
It was breaking me down

And now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Cuz I know this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
And you can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain
I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say, ‘Well done.’

Oh, this journey is my own