God's love, T.V., the World...

I've written previous blogs about T.V. but I'm going to do it again. There is so much evil in the world and T.V. reveals that evil in a dramatized but certainly not minimized form. I'm so disgusted by what is out there right now yet I watch it. I just watched this criminal investigation show I think it was called SVU or something. The episode was about these girls who killed one of their "friends". It was horrible. The saddest part of the whole thing was how true it was, I mean, there might not be a bunch of crazy high school girls with murder on their minds out there but there certainly are alot of very angry, very hurt, young people in the world right now who have no idea what to do with it all except take it out on innocent people. This was a really horrible show to watch before bed! On that note to watch any time. I don't know why I did I suppose I just had to find out what happened so my mind could have some sort-of conclusion, even if it was a bad one. man!
I'm just stunned by the evil in the world. I get glimpses of it from the news, the paper, T.V., movies, etc. It's so easy to walk around with rose colored glasses on and forget about the evil and brokenness. I'm so incredibly thankful for Jesus Christ. I mean, the more and more I realize who I would be without him the more and more grateful I am that I have him. I'm so glad that I don't have to win my way to Heaven and I'm SO glad that there is hope. I doubt this hope so much sometimes. I'm so incredibly thankful that Jesus doesn't give up on me everytime I lose faith in him. I don't even want to imagine what I would be like if I didn't know that I was free from the Devil and from Hell. I'm afraid to tell other people who don't know this because in the back of my mind I'm worried that I'm wrong. That he's not real, that their athiestic beliefs are true. That the Bible isn't all truth. That I've been believing a lie. And then I bring all that to God and we work through it and I talk with other people about this doubt and unbelief and my fears regarding it all and I'm put to ease by truth. I recently did this. And I have to say that my mind isn't fully at ease, I still have questions and doubts and fears, but I believe. I believe but OH LORD help my unbelief. :) I want to share this with people. This hope. This freedom. This LIFE and LOVE. God help me! I can't do it by myself! May they hear YOU speaking not me!
I'm going to the Czech Republic for 2 and 1/2 weeks this July on a missions trip. I'm gonna be teaching English to students over there and then staying in host homes with some of those students I met. I'm SO thrilled about this. Just being able to talk with them about life, love, God, everything that we both know and don't know in the world. I'm also pretty scared because it's hard for me to talk with people I don't know. But when I love people, even if I don't know them, it's eaiser. So I pray that God would give me a LOVE for the people. A deep unexplainable love for them. And I also pray that God would overflow my heart with a love for Him. With a blind faith and a passion to know him more that would conquer my fears about what I "don't know". I need Jesus. I need you LORD!!!!! I need your strength God and your peace and love. I need your compassion and PATIENCE under pressure. Lord I need you to be with me and I need you to remind me of that daily. Father God, FATHER ME! I need you to me my dad. I need you to be my strength because daddy I'm tired and scared and weak. I need your vision for the world and your LOVE for the Czech people. I need you. I want them to see YOU and not me!! Jesus come into my heart and rid me of anything that isn't honorable, true, beautiful, praise-worthy, worthy of the gospel; anything that isn't OF YOU.
I LOVE YOU LORD! Jesus thank you SO much for dying for me! Thank you for clothing me with with your righteousness. Forgive God. Forgive me for all of the times that I have willfully chosen my will over yours because it was easier not to conform to yours. Forgive me for not obeying my parents and not loving them like you want me to. Forgive me for not honoring you with my life, my thoughts or my time. I want to live for you, I want to live a life of worship but you see my heart. You see how divided it is and how far I am from even trying to get back on track with you. Please Jesus, draw me. Give me a desire for you. A desire that fuels my actions. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE FOR ME! AH! THANK YOU ABBA! THANK YOU LORD.