Something Beautiful

Hello individual reading this,

I don't know what to say. I just thought I'd let my mind and fingers wander on the keys and write whatever comes to mind.
I love old bookstores. Why? I rarely buy anything. I love stationary and new journals. I love to write letters. I love cafe's that have a warm, inviting atmosphere with a sense of local culture, with good smells and promise of deep conversation and good food. I think that watching movies with a girl sitting on a bridge somewhere in Europe with golden sun on her writing in her journal about the beauty of the earth is what inspires me to write in beautiful journals. It inspires a poet's soul. How couldn't it?! And snapshots of Audrey Hepburn in old bookstores drinking coffee or eating a french pastery looked tres chic in her ballet flats, "audrey" haircut, flowy skirt and striped blouse...I think that is where I grew in my love for all of that. And of course as many of you know I LOVE flowy clothing, skirts and dresses in particular. Dresses and skirts where you feel like you are playing a role in some mysterious classic flic playing opposite Jimmy Stewart. The girl in the corner, the one that catches the gentleman's eye. The one with the "something special" in her that no one can put their finger on. Yeah, it's funny how clothes can make you feel like that. Hmmm...most of us don't dream like that. Most of the time we either disregard it as nieve fantasy or fairytale; "Not living in the 'real world' " What is the real world, may I ask? Maybe as John Mayer put it, "I just found out there's no such thing as the real world just a lie you've got to rise above." What if you were in fact meant to live out the fairy tale you dream up in your head, you know the one you usually squash with a dose of cynicism before in takes root in your soul to deep. Now, I'm not saying that this world is not really here, that pain is not real, that doing the dishes, brushing your teeth, going to school and dealing with famiy drama isn't part of all of it. What I am daring to say is that maybe in the midst of all of it we could still live out this life with God, this garden-style (as in the Garden of Eden) fairy tale. I don't really know how actually. Ha. Now that I've guessed that maybe it's possible, wouldn't it be cool if I just as fast whip out 10 steps on how to attain it. Ha! Boy do I wish. Okay, so I don't really know how. With all the pain and suffering and seemingly boring everyday routine around us, one is left thinking, how in the heck can that be my reality. The truth is is that life with God is a complete mystery but that mystery slowly unfolds when you spend time with him. When you spend time with God, walking and talking with him, you begin to see the beauty in life and that makes the "normal" things seem not so normal. AH! Gosh, the Enemy SO doesn't want us to live this life. AHHHH! I feel it. I feel him everyday stealing my joy. John 10:10 is SOOO true. "The Thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy..." The 2nd half of the verse is just as important though. "...but I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly." ABUNDANTLY. GOSH! God is perfectly everything we could ever want or need. He gives us life abundantly through His son. That is a beautiful thing. "Something Beautiful" by Jars of Clay is currently one of my favorite songs because it states in a not so round-about way my heart's desire not just be "another pretty face" (as Jesse McCartney says) but for God to change this "something normal into something beautiful". I'm not talkin' physical beauty, although God has made us humans beautiful, but I'm talking about that "something special" that spark that catches the attention of people. That spirit (the HOLY SPIRIT) within me that blazes so bright that people can't help but wonder what it is about you that makes you so joyful and full of....LIFE. Check out the poetry
(the JOC Song)....

If you put your arms around me, could it change the way I feel.
I guess I let myself believe that the outside might just bleed it's way in. Maybe stir the sleeping past lying under glass.
Waiting for the kiss that breaks this awful spell.
Pull me out of this lonely cell. Close my eyes and hold my heart.
Cover me and make me something.
Change this something normal into something beautiful.
What I get from my reflection isn't what I thought I'd see.
Give me reason to believe you'd never keep me incomplete.
Will you untie this loss of mine, it easily defines me.
Do you see it on my face.
That all I can think about is how long I've been waiting to feel you move me. Close my eyes and hold my heart.
Cover me and make me something.
Change this something normal into something beautiful... And I'm still fighting for the world to break these chains.
And I still pray when I look in your eyes.
You stare right back down into something beautiful.
Close my eyes and hold my heart. Cover me and make me something. Change this something normal into something beautiful...

Gosh, that really is the cry of my heart.

I love you Lord. I pray that this would be reality to me. That you would change who I am. Mold me to be more like you...beautiful in every way. Lord God, how I love you, how I long for you, how I desire your touch and your embrace and presence like the very air that I breathe. I NEED YOU LORD!!! Forgive me for not wanting you as badly as I need you. For not seeking you as much as you pursue me and for purpously walking through life blindly because it's easier to deny you exist then look you in the face. Reality is painful sometimes. But thank you that you are faithful, for you can't deny yourself, through IT ALL! I'm never alone, I claim that now. Be the Lord of my life. Be who you are in my life. Be the I AM. Be my everything. I need you Lord. I want you Jesus. Hold me tonight Lord. Take me because I don't have the strength to come. I love you Lord. Thank you. Thank you SO much for your Son. Without him, gosh, I don't even want to think about the state I'd be in. The lack of hope I'd feel. HOPE DOES NOT DISAPOINT. Thank you for that truth.I love you Lord and I so want to love you more.