Puttings Thoughts Together

Putting thoughts into words hasn't been easy for me lately but I've just been inspired by Aaron's blog to spill a little bit more of my soul.
Last year I poured my heart into two people and most of it was hard but good. These two people showed me alot about life, love, hardship, suffering and unceasing prayer. It was the most difficult thing I've ever been through or ever watched. God revealed so much through these two people and I'm not sure who I'd be if God had not brought them into my life. But very slowly and subconciously I became co-dependent. When they were in pain, I was too. When they doubted the Lord, I did too. When they were depressed, I was too. It became unhealthy for a while and I didn't realize it until just a few months ago. This 2 year long relationship with these individuals had peeled back layers of soul, broken me down, made me turn to God with everything in me but also had some negative results. Perhaps "results" isn't the right word because they both are my current best friends and the journey is not over yet for any of us. But stuff started to become unhealthy and it took a week away from all of it for me to begin to realize that. In April I went to Mexico for a week on a missions trip and it was in the weeks following that trip where I began to observe the true state of my soul. I had been encouraging them from the emptiness of my heart, I had been presenting to them a god (notice the small "g". This "god" I had created in my mind didn't even come close to the real God of the universe, and had become an idol in my life) that I didn't even believed existed in my own life. See, I had been telling them how deeply God loved them and cherised them. How life was worth living if only to know how deep the love of God was for them. And how he was a non-condeming God who was full of joy and peace and love and mercy. Yet, you guys I totally didn't realize that was the God of my life too!! I thought the God of my life was more stern, less joyful, less loving, more distant and controlling and domineering. Wow, how wrong I was...hmmm, you know what now that I think of it it has been only over the past week that I have been able to put that into words. I just got back from camp, which I'll talk more about later, and it was AT CAMP last week that I realized that. Yeah, actually when I got back from Mexico God began a work in me that has led me to this point of realization. When I got back I began to observe that these people in my life were doing better than I was, to a certain extent. I had become independant from God and that left my soul parched. As a testimony to God's goodness and all-knowingness (I really don't think that's a word, but you get the point) I can now say that my realtionship with these people is much closer to what it should be. I realized in Mexico that I have a life and God has a plan for it which is completly independant from these people and to put them above God in any way, shape or form was idolatry and futile. Yes, our relationship now is healthy and so good!! These two friends of mine are what I call my best friends and althought life is definatly a battle I'm growing with the Lord now instead of JUST showing them how to. Yes, God is definatly good and even when I don't feel like he's good he definatly has a plan through the brokeness. :)